Has anyone seen this shit?

On AIM there is a link for "Hot Miley Cyrus Bikini Pics"

I am new to AIM. I am very new to the NEW version of AIM.

I replied (unknowing that I was chatting with an automated chatter)

"No! Gross! She's like 16!"

and got a response like 15 lines long, (I will paraphrase), "Hey! I'm GabbieGossip (or some stupid fucking name) and would you like to subscribe to my bullshit?? Please for I have nothing meaninful to be doing with my time and by the way would you like some hot vids?? Yes, I really asked you that, AngoraFedora02, would you like some hot fucking vids??? I am a loser and would stick a fat one in my mouth if given the .50 I would charge but nooOO! I would much rather be running a fucking teenage porn ring than to take a step up as a prostitute. Wait, no, I'm a pimp. I pimp the innocence of others for exploitation"

I can't go on I'm so pissed.

Interested to hear your opinionated responses, but... no.

I am quite dissappointed at NG's porn collection. I'm not kidding. Very dissappointed.

I was feeling frisky one day and decided to look for something that would suit my desires.

I mean, there's porn to suit everyone's desires, right? Everyone's?

I found this to be true. I found feminist porn! Yay! *shakes bent elbowed fists in air to denote excitement and pleasure*

I'm so releived to know that this wonderful world of watching the art of pleasure hasn't been limited to degradation and violence at another person's expense.

It is indeed, all encompassing. Except for those under 18. Of course.

You know, it is possible to find pleasure in watching a real orgasam.

I found some porn stars like Nina Hartley, Annie Sprinkle, and Belladonna. I'm excited to find out about more!

Now that I wrote the most negative thing I could think of, I need to counter the bullshit energy I put out into the known universe.

I've often contemplated making a suicide emergency box, I haven't needed that sort of measure to combat my bullshit thinking, nor do I have any reason or desire to end my life. However, if I ever have to get around to it, here's what I would have in it:

1-Trinkets. These are defined as little things I've collected since I was a kid.
2- Cards. Only the ones that have more than a sentence hand written in it. Only things that have personally moved me.
3- Hand written letters.
4- Every award I've ever received since I was 16.
5- Pictures. Lots and lots of pictures.

Other things that prevent me from suicide.
This is the list of the things that I like this list is the list of the things I like!

1. Beatles, "Love is all you need." Yeah, try killing yourself to that song! It wont give you the "they're gonna cry at my funeral" feeling.

2. Family.

3. Telling Gussie (my dog) that I will take care of her as long as she takes care of me. (Thank you Mandy).

4. Knitting something for someone. Do you know how sad it would be if I couldn't finish my boyfriend's gloves?

5. No matter how bad it was. No matter HOW bad it was, Knowing for a fact that I would be a stuck up bitch if all the (true) things from Part 1 didn't happen.

6. Friends. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

7. God. Period. These are not in order, but if they were this would be first.

8. It would be self centered if I did the whole "It's a Wonderful Life" theme and thought of where "everyone would be without me," so I think of where I would be if everyone else suicided. Much worse than any one else.

9. Almost anything by Henry David Thoreau, Emily Dickinson, or Emerson. The only reason I mention Emerson is because I can't understand him worth a damn. I'm not dying before I get that smart.

10. I try to keep every little note my mom wrote me when I was a child, which I hated at the time, but I treasure now.

11. Listening to a love song, ANY love song and sing it to myself, sing it to God, or imagine God singing it back to me.

12. I like watching the pseudo love between two people. On camera. Enough said.

More to come as I think of it.

Take note: 30,357 characters left. I met my challenge. I totally wrote more for good than for evil.

I did not need my father taken from me to realize how much I loved and appreciated him.

Then I think of this little girl I know (age 24) who complains that her dad doesn't pay her credit card bills.

Disgusting.

I am a big girl. Sadly, upon mentioning this, I am aware that most people reading this are no longer interested in what I have to say.

On top of that, I know little girls (in size and maturity) who are smaller than me complaining about their weight. To boys of course. Attention whores.

True story: A 15 year old heroin addict was pissed she gained 5 lbs. If what you look like is more important than your health, please go die.

Although you may think my flesh is disgusting, at least I can get your attention (that I need so badly, by the way), by"fixing" that. Good luck with your character.

But if you're stuck in your image, I guess it doesn't matter who you are, as long as others know "who you are."

God.

Speaking of God, a Twilight religion?

I would go on to comment but I don't want to take my life now.

When I was 13, the school social worker wanted to prosecute my 18 year old boyfriend, who was certainly not using me for sex.

The entire school, his friends, his "real" girlfriend, and even friends I grew up with and were sleeping with him wanted to and repeatedly beat my ass.

I was caught up in "love." My bad.

***Legal disclaimer*** If anyone reads this and happens to know me, please, (reads from legal pad in monotone voice), "this statement was not intended to encourage suicide or elude to the idea that there are people I want dead."

Take note: 31,071 characters remaining.

The last time I showed
Someone something I wrote,
He put his hand on my shoulder,
And said, "Don't worry, it will get better."

Really? Well golly-fucking-gee, I sure hope so sir!
I am SO excited for the day that what's on MY heart
Will match YOUR standards!

Is what you wanted to hear
"Better" than what I had to say?
And if it was, what made you think
I would give a shit
To say it your way?

I love feeling.
I hate writing.
At least it is not the other way around.

I don't have to guard my Self.

Any percieved threat
Is based in a fear
Based in a belief
That I'm not here.

I am not scared
Ashamed or
Mother-fucking sorry
For being human.

The very fact I am defending myself
Says enough,
But the fact that I am not afraid
Says a hell of a lot more.

My father passed away. Suddenly. It's so interesting how relatives who have previously shown no interest in me are all of a sudden there, asking me "if there's anything I could do".

I have more respect for the person who told me "Emily, I don't know what you're going through and I won't act like I do. I'm just sorry about your father". THANK YOU! YOU showed me the common decency of respect by being honest with me. YOU know that I am NOT a fragile, scared little girl.

Although I did not need my father taken from me to realize how much he meant to me, one lesson learned is that I like to comfort others. I don't care much for being comforted. I trust very, very few people. When certain people are nice to me, my suspicion is that they want something. Not everyone operates like that, but a hell of a lot of them do. The sad thing is that I really, really, do not think this is the self pity talking.

Still working on that one. I'm Emily. I knit. I like libraries. I am an absolute whore as far as yarn shops and locally owned bookstores. My life's work thus far has consisted of pursuing a higher calling. These pursuits have taken many forms, from drugs to religious leanings. I don't do drugs and I am not religious in the ordinary sense of the word. Nor do I intend to offend anyone by classifying drugs with religion. I am content. I look forward to visiting often.